@dog_feelings: the human just came home. smelling like another dog. this isn’t a problem. i’m totally not upset. if anybody needs me. i’ll be over here. wondering what i ever did to deserve this
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@SunshineJarboly: when space aliens arrive and ask us to take them to our leader we should take them to the zoo and show them a flamingo
@KevinBuffalo: Justin Timberlake postponing his Buffalo show Sat. & then going on Fallon is like that time I called in sick & tweeted a selfie on a boat.
@BriarSlyMadness: Believing that you are popular or "famous" on twitter... ...is like believing you are rich because you won a game of Monopoly.