@CroweJam: The Humane Society will give Donald Trump $5 if he releases that thing on his head back into the woods.
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@Douchekevin: The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she's just found my twitter account
@_davidlucas_: *Takes gift wrapping paper to the counter* Her: Did you want to buy that? Me: No, I just wanted to hold it for a while.
@sofarrsogud: *maintains eye contact while checking 'Dating Librarians For Dummies' out from the library.
@daemonic3: An evil villain is on the loose Ant-Man: Yellowjacket again? [giant kid with magnifying glass emerges] Ant-Man: You gotta be kidding me