@qwertygirl: The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
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@TheMichaelRock: Me: We didn't even have cell phones or the internet when I was your age. 6yo: Did you have bikes? Me....nope, we rode horses. 6yo: WOOOOW
@timdonakowski: Why are gifts in airports so expensive? God's punishing you for waiting until the flight home to buy your wife a gift.
@BberrySurprise: "I do not negotiate with terrorists!" said me, everyday, multiple times a day, to my children.
@mattvalleau: Pet Review: Horses Cost: Thousands of dollars Pros: Bragging about owning a horse Cons: Can literally kick your face off, big teeth 1.5/10