@qwertygirl: The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
@ShutUpThatsWho: CASHIER: [over PA] produce manager to the front pleas-
ME: IF YOU SELL LETTUCE HEADS WHERE get off me WHERE ARE THE BODIES?
@NewDadNotes: Man sees the first Cat
Caveman: omg that sabertoothed tiger just mauled me. I'm gonna call him Mr. Bumblebottom and make him sleep with me
@o__0Dev: Where have you been all my life? Please go back there.
@sammyrhodes: “We’re going to need a bigger pocket.” - iPhone 6 Plus