@qwertygirl: The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
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@ProdigyNelson: [aquarium] Me: "That's a lot of octopussies to occupy a tank." Guide: "it's octopi." Me: "Oh..that's a lot of octopussies to octopi a tank."
@electrolemon: damn demi, your rap battle opponent didn't even try to diss your clothes. what's your secret. [camera pans out to show all-orange outfit]
@TheDjinnTrials: A fortune cookie told me I'd receive an important message soon. The message in the bottle told me the fortune cookie was poisoned.
@shariv67: Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.