@qwertygirl: The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
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@PlatinumShower: I just used "volumizing" shampoo for the first time.... Everything sounds the same.
@PaperWash: mom: I'm not your friend I'm your mother! [20 years later] mom: why won't you accept my friend request on FB? I'm your mother
@ManicMouse: CW: what did you do to your hair today? Me: It's really unclear whether you think it's good or you think I slept in a ditch.
@LurkAtHomeMom: I wish the dude that jogs around my neighborhood all day would wear a Super Mario costume. And occasionally duck into sewers.