@1970RobD: The inventor of predictive text has died.
His funfair will be hello on Sundial.
@GrantTanaka: at my funeral, I need one of you to stand up and ask if you can have your toaster back
@mrkoodge: *lowers car suspension to look more gangster*
*takes 12 minutes to ride over a speedbump*
@KyleMcDowell86: [old couple feeding ducks in the park]
"Nothing could ruin this Edna"
*I scare all the ducks away, punch the old man and steal their bread
@JohnFugelsang: Somewhere in Heaven...
Abraham Lincoln: The ppl who claim to be my followers just totally misquoted me.
Jesus: You don't say.
@bestlizard: A girl who bullied me in junior high just friended me on Facebook. Her three kids are named after trees. I win.