@1970RobD: The inventor of predictive text has died.
His funfair will be hello on Sundial.
@jenstatsky: The best answer to an American Apparel salesperson asking you if you're looking for anything specific is, "the bottom half of a shirt."
@Gooooats: My Eight Year Old: Why do I have to learn cursive?
Me: Literally no reason at all.
@markydoodoo: Shout out to my sweatpants for loving me through thick and thicker.
@AmishPornStar1: The people who came up with all these different rules for pluralization are bunch of peni.
@ArfMeasures: ME: The mugger...he called himself "Antman"
SKETCH ARTIST: *puts a dot on a piece of paper*
ME [shaking] omg that's him!