@1970RobD: The inventor of predictive text has died.
His funfair will be hello on Sundial.
@Boleyngirly: When someone asks "You know what I think?", I say "Yes I do". End of discussion.
@AtticusFinch79: ME: what's wrong with my dog
VET: he appears perfectly healthy
ME: i give him a stick and he just stares at it
ME: even if I go long, he refuses to throw it
@therealeatwood: KING ARTHUR: …and that is our noble quest.
REPORTER: K, great. What shape is your table?
A: Um, round? But that’s not really…
R: Got it
@FilthyRichmond: I caught myself whistling the Unsolved Mysteries theme while hiding a body.
@fatherofcomedy: They say genius skips a generation.In our case it fell off our family tree and died.