@ahamedweinberg: The irony of being a horse is you could lift weights all day and you will still only have 1 horsepower
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@YourAnMoron: Me "I love you." My 3yo "Thanks." And just like that, 4 years of High School memories came flooding back.
@imadepoopstoday: Bring brownies to work. Spend the rest of the day asking coworkers, "you feelin anything yet?"
@goldengateblond: Lady at the door asked if I'd found Jesus and I was all HOW IS HE MISSING, IT WAS YOUR DAY TO WATCH HIM. I don't think she'll be back.
@nataliejmooney: lying on the floor with my mouth open just in case someone breaks in and decides to grate a bunch of cheese in there