@NateKofiStruck: The janitor lady for my apartment building asked me out on a date & said she had some weed. I told her I'm not into high maintenance women.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Sorry, but your kids don't look adorable when they lose their teeth, they look like tiny homeless people.
@CornOnTheGoblin: The lead singer of Chumbawamba died earlier today. During his autopsy his body got knocked down...and that's when things got interesting.
@0point5twins: OMG... JUST OPENED A CUPBOARD AND ALL MY POSTAGE STAMPS ARE PREGNA- Oh wait, it's Ravioli.
@radstunts: have u ever just taken your goth girlfriend out on a date but it gets dark out and you lose her in the parking lot