@NateKofiStruck: The janitor lady for my apartment building asked me out on a date & said she had some weed. I told her I'm not into high maintenance women.
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@mattsurely: "Oh my god I can't believe someone would pronounce my name exactly how it's spelled!!!" - people with stupid names
@caliluvgirl77: I'll never rob a store because I don't want to see the police guess my weight on a wanted poster.