@gruffybeard: The Jews probably would've wandered the desert for a lot less time if someone had just deleted Pokémon Go from Moses iPhone.
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@Marlebean: *marshmallows *chocolate *graham crackers *lighter fluid *matches Cashier: "Going camping?" Me: "Nope" *wine *tampons
@hyperseas: Guys, don't ever tell a girl that she's yummier than a gummy bear, she'll know it's not true because nothing is yummier than a gummy bear.
@jaslakhmna: My boyfriend said it would be nice if once in a while he woke up to breakfast in bed... I put his bed in the kitchen...