@TravLeBlanc: The Karate Kid would be a shorter movie if Daniel had just bought a gun.
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@thetits: FRIEND: OMG I'm so glad to get away from my kids for a bit ME: haha yeah I don't think I'll ever have kids FRIEND: no it's the best
@HomeProbably: My girlfriend said I never do anything to help so I hid her phone. I'll prove her wrong when I find it.
@SaraMansford: The only way I'd be scared of a ghost is if one was coming at me wearing a fitted sheet that I thought I'd have to eventually fold.
@BrdnHatesYou: A 12 year old posts a selfie, 37 RTs and 1013 likes. I post a selfie, I lose 18 followers and my family disowns me.