@ericsshadow: The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
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@: Ikea meatballs pulled from shelves because they contain horse meat. Man, that's the last time I buy meatballs at a furniture store.
@Kendragarden: Papa don't preach I'm in trouble deep Papa don't preach I've been losing sleep But I made up my mind I'm keeping my baby velociraptor
@Jesssicle: *brushes teeth for seventeen hours straight before dentist appointment* "Jessica, there is an entire Oreo behind your second molar."
@OfficialMizGin: Take it easy, guy who posts 10,000 pics of his baby on Facebook. We get it already. You got laid once.