@missrobotnik: The ladies in my knitting club think it's hilarious when I greet them by saying, "Sup, my knittas?!"
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@TheBoydP: Ever smell a permanent marker and accidently color the tip of your nose black? Related: They’re called permanent markers for a reason.
@MarlonBrandNO: [Twister] DOG 1: left paw green DOG 2: i told u this was a terrible idea DOG 1: cmon Jim just pick the green one DOG 2: THEYRE ALL GREY GARY
@jimmytorosian: Avril Lavigne: He was a boy. She was a girl. Can I make it any more obvious? Me: Yes you could. That is incredibly vague.