@StaceyShortcake: The last time I was 100% sure about a decision was in 3rd grade, and that box of 64 crayons with the built in sharpener didn't disappoint.
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@necrosocks: [Concert] Triangle player: *proudly playing his triangle [Octagon player struts on stage] Triangle player: "What the-"
@joejwest: ST BERNARD DOG: [getting ready for work] Honey have you seen my barrel? WIFE: Which one? SBD: The little one I wear AROUND MY NECK EVERY DAY
@bitchofficially: I'm gonna start a woman's monthly magazine called "Period", and some months I will send it out late to freak out subscribers