@trevso_electric: The leading method of suicide in Albania is attempting to kidnap Liam Neeson's daughter.
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@envydatropic: My doctor prescribed a med that has "weight loss" as a side effect......I've never wanted to overdose so much in my life!
@shegotagronk: Realized it was time to seek help for my Twitter addiction after I opened a carton of eggs and said "Oh look, 12 new followers!"
@clairecdowns: Guy in USA:(phone) you ready? Guy in Australia: (phone) hell yeah Both:123 *each drop a piece of bread onto ground* Both: EARTH SANDWICH!
@BruceForce: I mainly get my exercise by awkwardly running to doors when people hold them open for me