@Willie1derful: The Lion King really created trust issues between me and the nephew.
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@daemonic3: Alex: A ship that has sunk What is my relationship? Alex: No sorry tha- [glares at wife] I'll take YOU RUINED MY LIFE KAREN for $800 Alex
@pleatedjeans: me: can I buy you a drink? girl: sorry [holds up martini] already got one me: [spits in it] How about now?
@FattMernandez: Don't trust anyone who wants to "get you out of your comfort zone." Why would you ever want to leave something called a comfort zone?!