@ddsmidt: The love I feel for my family is always constant. My tolerance is another matter.
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@KKAlThani: Me: why did you stop me? Cop: for starters you're not wearing a seatbelt. Me: what about main course? Cop: step out of the car.
@Caissie: My son on the morning of his prom: "Well, it just occurred to me that I paid $130 to go to my school at night."
@EJGomez: me: annie are you ok so annie are you ok are you ok annie (X5) girl [wearing name tag that says annie]: sir will it be paper or plastic
@iGreenMonk: Sometimes I try to eat healthy but my stomach's like "what if you die tomorrow?" and I'm like "good point" and I have a whole pizza.