@weinerdog4life: The mail slot on your door is so you can tell the mailman you love him
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@notbedelia: 911: what's your emergency? M: I'm out of ketchup. 911: miss I don't think u get how 911 works. M: I DONT THINK U GET HOW HOT DOGS WORK
@murrman5: [determined not to have any awkward silence during date] "so, what's your favorite part of a banana?"
@Marlebean: "They say children learn by example, even for potty training." -I explain to my horrified neighbor as my son and dog poop on the lawn