@weinerdog4life: The mail slot on your door is so you can tell the mailman you love him
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@williamwanton: Couples that stay fit together don't trust each other enough to go to the gym alone
@truegritrumble: FIRST PERSON TO USE AN IRON: This battle hammer does wonders for my enemies' shirts!
@Eden_Eats: Hey men, don't be fooled by maxipad commercials. Ladies aren't really full of blue windshield washer fluid.
@Brampersandon_: WIFE: I got us this new candle ME: sweet. What flavor is it? W: don't you mean 'what scent is it?' ME (with a mouthful of candle wax): What?