@afairiesweetear: the most challenging thing I've done all week is explain to a 4 year old where he was in photos taken 7 years ago
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@thetobbie: When jogging, if i get tired, I insult the people i pass in my head & then imagine having to get away as they chase me...
@myonlymizztake: When you said you wanted to show me a stiff one, I had no idea you worked in a morgue.
@haleysfalling: I've decided that I'm going to start texting people back. That's it. That's the joke.
@ghostkrogh: isaac newtown got hit in the head & invented calculus. i broke my nose last night when I was drunk & invented a louder version of crying.