@afairiesweetear: the most challenging thing I've done all week is explain to a 4 year old where he was in photos taken 7 years ago
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@thedailymarker: Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Gays are definitely from Saturn. You know the only planet chic enough to accessorize with a belt.
@slimmy_shady: Went to the doctor the other day, he told me I had to stop lap-dancing. I asked him why and he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
@causticbob: I went for a job interview. The bloke asked, "Where do you see yourself in 10 yrs time?" "Same as now - in photos and mirrors," I replied