@DannyZuker: The most romantic restaurant in the world is not as dimly lit as the operating room on a TV medical drama.
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@ThingsJackDigs: “You a cop?” UNDERCOVER COP: No. “So you wouldn't mind if I … threw these donuts away?” UC: *sweats profusely*
@JizzleLizzle: Got so high last night we searched for my friend for half an hour while he helped us look
@realHamOnWry: Kids should think twice about threatening to run away from home. It only fills their parents with false hope.
@MableGertrude: Things were different in the 80s one time I was kidnapped for a week and no one looked for me. I came home & my room was converted to a gym.