@DannyZuker: The most romantic restaurant in the world is not as dimly lit as the operating room on a TV medical drama.
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@AimeeHelene1: Girl: *blowing kisses to boyfriend across the room* Me: *runs in and swats kisses out of the air*
@Mr_Kapowski: Lawyer: Zack’s will has allocated money for two headstones *my wife dabs the corners of her eyes with a tissue* Lawyer: The first one shall just read HEADSTONE. The second will be placed 6 feet away and read FEETSTONE
@sameverlark_: Joe: Hey Barack, why does Trump wanna ban preshredded cheese Barack: Joe please Joe: TO MAKE AMERICA GRATE AGAIN Barack: I swear to God