@PeachCoffin: The most unrealistic thing about The Walking Dead is that a couple who had a kid after 2000 would've named it Carl.
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@MakesYouGiggle: Interviewer: Why did you apply for this job? Me: Because being broke and homeless didn't really call out to me.
@notacroc: Wife: y is a penguin w an umbrella in the- Me:*points to dog dressed as batman* so Bark Wayne isnt bored W: M: he needs an arch enemy, Karen
@blade_funner: Officer: I'll need to see a photo ID. Me: (pulling out a selfie at an R.E.M. concert) That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight.
@KevinFarzad: This man recorded his son every day for a decade. The footage is breathtaking and takes 10 years to watch.