@JohnLyonTweets: The movie Speed, except this bus driver apparently thinks we'll blow up if he goes over 15 mph.
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@PellMull: Everyone is unique. Except you. You are not unique. You are the only not unique person in human history.
@Parkerlawyer: I just passed a beer truck on the highway. "Wait a minute. I'm named after beer?!!?" -My 6 yr old son, Miller
@brennadine: "NO YOU'RE DRUNK," she says playfully into the mirror, then promptly resumes disappointing her boyfriend's mom at family dinner.
@aeharder: The efficient part about falling asleep on the toilet at work is that inevitably someone who had beans for lunch will come and wake you.