@SummerCandyEyes: The neighbor's cat brought me a dead lizard while I was outside having a snack on the patio, so it's now some weird interspecies potluck.
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@iwearaonesie: Such bullshit that people stop saying "You ate it all! Good job!" once you reach a certain age
@FattMernandez: Joel Osteen wouldn't open his megachurch to flood victims. Let's not jump to conclusions. Maybe he has two of every kind of animal in there.
@IRLPepperMD: "You think I'm immature? Well, you know what! Our relationship is-" *holds up imaginary walky-talky* "Chhh-over."
@DILLONFRANCIS: My mom has been trying to forward me an email since Monday June 23rd.....it's now Friday June 27th.... still no email