@SummerCandyEyes: The neighbor's cat brought me a dead lizard while I was outside having a snack on the patio, so it's now some weird interspecies potluck.
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@theshamingofjay: Just realized why my Grandpa called his sideburns thigh ticklers Excuse me guys while I go walk in front of a bus
@Naked_Superman: Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate Baby, I'm just gonna shake their soda
@kellysoloduka: ME: I used to lay in the dark and invite spirits to inhabit my body. HER: Did they? ME: [levitates, engulfed in flames] WHAT DO YOU THINK?
@tomipuff: I would like a warm hound please "Excuse me?" A flaming puppy "..." Fire canine "Do you want a hot dog, ma'am?" Yes. A scorching pooch