@briangaar: The new Batman is super realistic -- he's attracted to porch lights, makes your girlfriend scream and then the cat eats him
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Book_Krazy: Cop: Ma'am, Are you intoxicated? Me: Are YOU intoxicated! Cop: No Me: Prove it! Cop: *puts handcuffs on me* Me: I like where this is going.
@TheMichaelRock: 12yo: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What's wrong with the one we live in? 12yo: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son.
@cervixsmash: Mobile tweeting with 3% battery is a lot like the band playing while the titanic sank
@IvoryGazelle: ATTENTION EVERYONE MONEY ORDERS ARE A SCAM THEY EXPECT YOU TO HAVE THE MONEY ALREADY YOU CANNOT ORDER IT