@dysondoc: The new jumper I bought kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back and they exchanged it for another one free of charge.
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@daemonic3: WIFE: OMG how did grandma's ashes get knocked off the mantel? ME: Actually I think it was- *cat makes throat slice gesture* -the wind
@torrami: My parents and teachers said I could be anything I wanted but I'm 28 now and I'm still not a hot Asian girl named Bang Bang :(
@GrantTanaka: Sometimes I wonder if the ghost in my house thinks he's being haunted by some angry, naked, drunk guy.
@iGreenMonk: My girlfriend says she doesn't trust me. At least that's one thing she has in common with my wife.