@dysondoc: The new jumper I bought kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back and they exchanged it for another one free of charge.
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@TheMichaelRock: Me: Did you just put your fingers in my drink? 5yo: I don't have poison on my fingers! Me: But why did you....wait, what?
@mobydong: Wearing a wig is probably worth the hassle for those moments when you get to dramatically pull it off your weary, tearful head.
@bingowings14: See if your child has learnt any swear words yet, by turning the wifi off while they're playing minecraft.
@timdonakowski: When a coworker tells everyone he proposed, I'm the guy that asks, "So, what did she say?" I'm funny that way.