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@TheTweetOfGod: "The new Star Wars comes out in two years". (Luke 20:15).
@Masquerage: When my twitter crush rt's another girl, a little part of me dies. And so does she.
@illTortuga: Damn girl are you the sun because you need to stay 92,960,000 miles away from me.
@gwatts77: Just ordered a pizza from Papa Johns online ordering system & it asked me if I had any instructions for the driver.
Yes, "Bring weed, bro"
@JennyJohnsonHi5: "It's very expensive." - Chipotle employee
"Look, I got money to spend in here." - Julia Roberts
Pretty Woman 2: Guacamole Costs Extra
@bjnovak: The Razzi family had more family photographs than any other family.
All thanks to the dad.