@TheTweetOfGod: "The new Star Wars comes out in two years". (Luke 20:15).
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@Vodkantots: Shrink: How would you rate your depression right now? Me: 0 out of 5 stars. Would not recommend.
@AmberDonn: Facebookers reacting to it snowing is very similar to a caveman reacting to seeing fire for the first time.
@3sunzzz: Doctor: I'm going to listen to your lungs so just breathe normal. Me: Well now you've made THAT nearly impossible.