@HuffPostComedy: The news in a nutshell.
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@garrettbarry70: I have a CW who can't input data into a spreadsheet without whispering each number so don't tell me about your day.
@robin_991: 6yo: I wish I was a bird so I could poop on peoples heads. 7yo: why do you need to be a bird? my 7yo is ready for twitter.
@Underchilde: If you drop food on the floor in public, it’s proper etiquette to look around and see who noticed before shoving it in your mouth.