@Fickle_Filly: The next man who calls me deluded is going to regret it when he finds me sitting in his house wearing a wedding dress.
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@bea_ker: Donald Trump's campaign is basically that thing where you say the wrong answer in Pictionary then just keep saying it louder and louder
@djdarrellripley: Me: (Sigh) There she is. Him: Sounds like you're still carrying a torch for her. Me: Yea, like the villagers carried one for Frankenstein!
@Yair_Rosenberg: Twitter makes possible so many amazing things we couldn't do before. Like trolling the Nazis:
@TawaNicolas: I lost one of mom's Tupperware at work and now I'm looking for a new family to adopt me.