@Fickle_Filly: The next man who calls me deluded is going to regret it when he finds me sitting in his house wearing a wedding dress.
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@trojansauce: [creating foxes] GOD: make it orange & give it a fat tail ANGEL: ok... GOD: and make it sneaky ANGEL: you sure? GOD: yeah... real sneaky
@stockejock: My mom's favorite part of Mother's Day is describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old waitress who is just there to get our drink order.
@MondayPajamas: Her: I think my IUD came loose and is floating around in there Me: C'mere, I drop my guitar pick in the sound hole all the time, no problem