@funnyordie: The occupations on 'The Bachelorette' are getting out of hand.
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@FuckabillyRex: I have a bad feeling I'll be wearing one of those barrels with suspenders by the end of the year, but not in a fun, whimsical way.
@burntmybagel: My chiropractor told me I have to stop using air quotes when I call him "doctor."
@samalmightysam: ''Hey, you like water? yes? well I can turn it into wine.'' -Jesus flirting in a bar