@funnyordie: The occupations on 'The Bachelorette' are getting out of hand.
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@withanewname: psychic: "I see... I see kids in your future" me: "but I've had a vasectomy" [9 months later ... me tending a goat farm] "This's bullshit"
@NikiWithIssues: I'm not hungover. I just like to wear my sunglasses when I open the fridge door. It makes me look cool.
@Mr_Kapowski: If you wear a cape to a meal, you can spin it around to the front and have a full sized bib for eating
@mydmac: Therapist: Would you use alcohol, food and sex as a means of feeling happy? Me: Yes, thanks.