@longwall26: The ocean is full of sharks, jellyfish, man-eating octopus, and nightmare whales, but make sure you wait a half-hour after eating to go in.
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@longwall26: I know this is only our second date, Susan, and maybe I'm moving too fast, but I'd like permission to rename your cat.
@joeljeffrey: Double standard - bear breaks into girl's house, bear gets shot. Girl breaks into bear's house, we write a children's story about it.
@markydoodoo: [eraser factory] BOSS: what makes u think ur right for the job? ME: *hands him blank piece of paper* I think my resumé speaks for itself