@longwall26: The ocean is full of sharks, jellyfish, man-eating octopus, and nightmare whales, but make sure you wait a half-hour after eating to go in.
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@TravLeBlanc: One time a friend said that he "ain't never had no nothing". It remains the only time where I have heard someone use a quadruple negative.
@ericsshadow: My wife ordered a pizza from Papa John's but I saved a step by throwing up before it got here.
@WilliamAder: HR: You can't wear a bathrobe on Casual Friday. Me: *Removes robe* HR: PUT THAT BACK ON! Me: Make up your mind.