@longwall26: The ocean is full of sharks, jellyfish, man-eating octopus, and nightmare whales, but make sure you wait a half-hour after eating to go in.
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@Playing_Dad: Me: We don't have any more Girl Scout cookies and now I'm sad. Wife: I get sad, too. Like when I think about being married to a 40yo baby
@1Happytwit: I'm going commando for Valentines day. He's going to be so surprised when I parachute into his yard and blow up his house.
@ClichedOut: *checking out* Card Reader: Would you like to donate $1.00 to Charity X? □ Y □ N *enters N* CR: Are u a selfish prick? □ Y □ N
@just1fool: My aunt called me a basket case so I swallowed all of her decorative, weaved pieces of art that hold things to show her.