@RealLucasNeff: The ocean isn't shark-infested. It's the ocean. That's where sharks live. We aren't supposed to be there. Humans infest the ocean.
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@ChipKellysBalls: Jehovah's Witnesses door-to-door success rate would be a lot higher if they partnered up with the Girl Scouts & started selling cookies ...
@pleatedjeans: [blind date] So,where you from? [eyes turn black] T h E S E v E n T H C i R C L e O F H e L L Oh nice. ever miss it? [cries blood] Y e s
@Bownuggets: Boss: OMFG man what happened to ur eye? [cut to me riding a horse into the garage door during medieval role play] "I ran into a door"