@sixfootcandy: The only bright side to food poisoning is weighing yourself when it's over.
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@FoxyWinePocket: Son: Are you eating pie for breakfast? Me (eating pie): No. Fruit casserole. Want some? Son: NO. I hate casserole. Me (whispers): I know...
@Stabby_smurf: If I have written a tweet similar to yours, I apologize for your lack of depth and vision.
@missmayn: What happened to sneaking out and getting drunk in the woods? Teenagers these days be all “I hate you mom I’m joining ISIS.”