@TheSweetestD_: The only difference between a psychiatrist and a drug dealer is that the drug dealer doesn't make you wait an hour.
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@pertyy_: If you don't want to play with me I'll just play with myself! - Overheard in 2nd grade today... Me too kid, me too.
@Reverend_Scott: [first date] "So, I heard you work at the circus." [shallows bread stick whole] Nope. "You sure about that?" [chewing on glass] Yup
@AtticusFinch79: 🎶I'm going to wash that man right out of my hair🎶 *tiny little man falls out of my hair with a gentle thud* Him: Is that a new shampoo?