@shariv67: The only French I know are words for food items and the chorus of Lady Marmelade. Turns out that's all you really need.
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@dshack8: "I know she told me to buy Tampax, but I'll buy the store brand that's on sale instead." The last thoughts of a man who's about to die.
@daemonic3: [math class] How would you order a Subway footlong in metric countries where they don't have feet? "By crawling to the counter?" GET OUT
@AndrewNadeau0: Hats were invented in 1784 when a Canadian was too polite to ask a raccoon to get off his head.
@tarashoe: i'd be extra scared if a break-in occurred while i was in the shower and the burglar saw me in there, fully clothed and eatin my soup