@TheLieLamaa: The only person who listens to both sides of an argument, is the next door neighbour ...
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@tacsanitchiban: Old friend: Wow! When the hell did you grow a beard? Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.
@bullfrog_1979: Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
@Sarcasmo718: I'd love to see Jason Statham's face when he finds out you can turn down movie roles.