@TheDairylandDon: The only spanish I know is from the song Feliz Navidad, so these last few days have been my time to shine.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@girl_a_whirl: Salesperson: What a cute service dog! How does he help you? Me: Pete, purse! *Pete pees on Louis Vuitton Me: I'll take it for 50% off
@jonnysun: LAWYER: [whispers] i did the murder [loudly] read that back? STENOGRAPHER: "I Did The Murder." JUDGE: omg the stenographer just confessed
@stevevsninjas: Blind guy: I love this half-sandwich restaurant. Me: What do you mean? This place only serves whole- Service dog: *puts a paw on my lips*
@MarcusOreally: Boredom is the leading cause of pregnancy. Unless you're on Twitter 24/7. Then it becomes the leading form of birth control.