@VirgoSherry: The only thing I want written on my tombstone is "I'm standing right behind you."
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@CrazyUncIeJoe: How girls put on their pants: *Left leg*, *Right leg*, '' Wiggle*, *Wiggle*, *twerk*, *Jump*, *Jump*, *Squat*, *Stretch* Done.
@murderbytweets: In Hell, someone is constantly vacuuming while you're trying to explain directions to an old man.
@DaddyJew: I'm like a mouse. If u give a mouse a cookie hes gonna want some milk. If u gimme a beer im gonna want some nachos. Plus we both like cheese
@KeetPotato: [music club] what should we play today [hand goes up] yes joe? "banjo" all those who wanna ban joe raise their hand [everyones hand goes up]