@VirgoSherry: The only thing I want written on my tombstone is "I'm standing right behind you."
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@ShaneKnowsStuff: The girls I meet in bars have the worst pickup lines. They're like, "Hey, what's your friend's name?" Never works on me ladies.
@LurkAtHomeMom: Me: *grabs a donut from conference room* Incredible powerpoint, Greg "Excuse me ma'am, do you work here?" Me: *grabs another donut & runs*
@ElizaBayne: Ashley Madison website is having problems. But instead of addressing them directly, it'll just look for a younger hotter website on the side