@TheFearBoners: The only thing more boring than Lance Armstrong's interview is the Tour de France.
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@KurtBusiek: I saw a tweet saying liberals should create their own Captain America. They did. In 1940.
@comedyfish: If you give someone some Beethoven CDs for a gift and they don't like it, you can always take them Bach
@animadvertguy: WIFE: really? ME: uh? WIFE: 20 mins and you haven't noticed? ME: oh! hair looks nice, hun WIFE: [crossing her 1 arm] I had my surgery today.
@junkyardigan: I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn't. So I gave it mouth to mouth.