@mattgallo123: The only thing more shocking than finding water on planet Mars would be finding me in Planet Fitness.
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@Vodkantots: If a guy doesn't return your texts for 4 months, it might be over. It probably isn't, but it might be.
@robdelaney: Haha my cousin's safeword is "chalice." (We don't have sex; I saw it cuz I hacked his email to get his salmon casserole recipe)
@jabbins: Left my car for maybe 15 minutes in front of the dorms and I come back to this. College man
@RorynotRoy: "I don't want you to freak out, but..." - someone with a shaky grasp of how anxiety works