@michaelianblack: The only thing that would prevent my wife from going to Pilates class would be if they invented a more expensive form of exercise.
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@senderblock23: BAE: come over ME: we live together im sitting right here BAE: my parents arent home ME: what is wrong with you
@rolldiggity: Prince: "The slipper fits! You're the girl I met!" Girl: "I wasn't even at the ball. This is a common shoe size." Prince: "YOU'RE THE GIRL!"
@theshantilly: Why put it in my calendar when I can just wait until someone texts me "Where the hell are you?"
@Adar79Angie: The security camera at work has "too many instances" of me acting like a dinosaur on film. And "any amount" is "too many." According to HR.