@CulturedRuffian: The only thing we have to fear is fear itself...& murderous clowns, & ISIS, & one of these two getting elected President after Halloween.
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@Cheeseboy22: My wife got home and was mad when she saw I fed my son cake, banana, popcorn and M&M's for dinner. I was like, "You saw the banana, right?"
@rolldiggity: Throw a pizza down a manhole. Wait five minutes. Throw a grenade down. You just killed the Ninja Turtles.
@KatieBurnett: The worst thing about kissing the person who loves you the most is when you bang your teeth off the mirror