@TheFemKilljoy: The only time I hate being single is when I knock something over & catch it before it hits the ground but there's no one around to see it.
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@lemonmartinis: How to tie the strongest knot ever: 1) put some earbuds in your pocket 2) wait one minute
@TheOneTrueDisco: On 3. Ready? One. Two. Three. *Both show rock Again! *Both show rock Again! *Both show rock Again! Caveman: This game is stupid.
@Phook75: The upside to having kids is how you're able to use them as an excuse to cancel unwanted plans
@BareChesty: If the tv show "Cops" has taught me anything, it's to stay away from ppl with blurry faces. They always cause trouble.