@TheBeerGuy73: The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I break wind in my sleep.
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@joeldanger: Her: Men are lucky. You just get to wake up & be hot. Me: Not true. I still have to put my contacts in so I can see how hot I look. H: ...
@katiefzack: If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
@abbycohenwl: I never thought I'd meet the man of my dreams while I was out running errands in sweat pants with no make-up on. And I was right
@Beesthegame: "Can someone call me a doctor?!" You're a doctor. "Please I'm losing my patience!" You're a terrible doctor.