@TheGoodGodAbove: The only way Congress will ever pass common sense gun control is if they're threatened at gunpoint
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@TeaAndCopy: My wife always accuses me of having a favourite child. It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.
@Dildotron: [planning for wedding] i found us a remote location "Omg where?" *points to fanny pack stapled to wall above TV* The remote goes there now
@recoveringbapti: I would like to see more realistic math problems in schools cause there ain't no way some kid has 75 melons without stealing a produce truck