@EliTerry: The only way to protect ourselves from eagle attacks is of course MORE eagles. Fill our homes with these gentle, knife clawed birds of prey.
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@justinbieber: Call me maybe by Carly Rae Jepson is possibly the catchiest song I've ever heard lol
@caroline_umc: Ever been so completely out of toilet paper that you send your kid next door to get some? Me neither, I just like to embarrass my kid.
@SteveSuckington: Me: "people always think I'm gay! Do I put off a gay vibe?" Guy whose back I'm massaging in a bubble bath: "maybe a little"
@iGreenMonk: I got a dog and named it "Twenty Miles". This way I can tell people that I walk twenty miles everyday.