@WilliamAder: The only wisdom that comes with age is knowing which stores have the nicer restrooms.
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@sarcasm_inc: A group of chimpanzees walking out of a Banana Republic is called "disappointed" Except for Charlie there, who scored a nice sundress.
@radtoria: Fastening a pendant around my son's neck before dying for him, "Keep this always. The audience won't recognize you as an adult without it"
@sonictyrant: [Inn fight] Drunk guy: you call those sunflowers?!? ‘Tis a pitiful rendering Van Gogh: *turns to innkeeper* hold my ear
@Cheeseboy22: My 8yo son spent 45 minutes perusing and closely inspecting the 31 flavors to finally decide on "chocolate."