@crabgirl_: The people in this spin class are looking at me like they've never seen a girl with a helmet before.
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@liv_thatsme: Well, I was in a huge hurry until you started driving 1 inch from my bumper. Now, I've got all the time in the world.
@FirstDateStory: "Went to watch a movie, I was wearing shorts and he swiped his finger on my leg. Later found out he wiped his booger on me"
@john_vavra: GF: ...I'm pregnant ME: *holding a 10-piece chicken nuggets box that actually has 11 nuggets* I've also got some pretty big news
@KateWhineHall: Pro tip: When quickly pulling into your garage to avoid your neighbor be sure your garage door is all the way up.