@Robert_Beau: The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn't even apply for the job.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@dafloydsta: [boarding plane] ME: Shotgun! COPILOT: Can he do that? PILOT: Looks like you're in economy today, Ted. COPILOT: *clenching fists* Damnit.
@LowkeyNerdy: i don't need a "previously on..." ive been watching this show for 9 hours straight
@hippieswordfish: wife: im sick of him jeopardizing our marriage therapist: how do you respond to that kyle? me: ill take susan is being a huge baby for $600
@Squirreljustice: I'm wearing a burqa, fencing mask, & a welding helmet while reading a book on cannibalism & an old lady on the bus still wants to chat.