@DionneMcNutt: The police never think its as funny as you do.
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@shutupmikeginn: I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love. So I was close.
@lawbsterfest: Better names for porcupines: Needle Beaver Battlepig Hurty Squirrel Flail Monster Cactus Rat Capy-scare-uh Death otter Revenge Possum
@CarrieMayhem: People who say "you can run but you can't hide" have never played hide & seek with me.. or seen me run.
@thatUPSdude: I'm not saying I'm bilingual but Brad Pitt is hot. In other news, I might not know what bilingual means.