@DionneMcNutt: The police never think its as funny as you do.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SadMeterologist: Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we're married & live together so I'd have to see them every day.
@UnderTheJewFro: If someone ever challenges you to a fight, pull your pants off and chase them crotch first. I'm currently undefeated with this method.
@c_gawker: if you think about all the people you didn't marry, you've had a positive impact on virtually every life in the world