@JohnLyonTweets: The premise of The Exorcist is truly terrifying. Imagine having a 12-year-old daughter.
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@joeljeffrey: I found out blowing in the dogs face makes her stop barking. I tried the same thing on my wife to make her stop yelling and she bit me.
@WritePlay: *1st date* "Nothing's sexier than a man who can surprise me & make me laugh" *cut to me in her closet in a clown suit* "Hellooo soulmate"
@Mr_Kapowski: Ladies, don't be sad if your thighs begin to start touching You're becoming a mermaid!