@Arr: The reason cats are so pissy is they're God's perfect killing machines but they only weigh 8lbs and we keep picking them up and kissing them
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@iAmJuddy: Chef: What kind of bread would you like? We have wheat, rye, white... Me: Black bread. Chef: We don't have that. Me: Racist.
@vjraines: Most women want a man who can make them laugh and also feel safe. So basically, a clown ninja. Good to know