@Arr: The reason cats are so pissy is they're God's perfect killing machines but they only weigh 8lbs and we keep picking them up and kissing them
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@pippydrydocking: If you want to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 9am, don't be open.
@Douchekevin: Girlfriend told me she wants me to pull her hair , but apparently not while she's driving. Girls are weird.
@maughammom: Either my daughter has pink glitter in her hair or head lice is way more fabulous than I remember.
@Tuna_Lover: I'm never at a loss for words when I'm drunk. I just can't pronounce most of them and I make up three or four new one's.