@JohnHilsen: The reason God calls all of us his children is so he can claim us all as dependents.
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@WheelTod: If asked at a job interview "what's your biggest weakness", test their tolerance for honesty by replying "mortality"
@8bitgun: almost called my teacher "mom," but I caught myself after "mo" and added an "n." I had to pretend I was Jamaican for the rest of the year.
@JermHimselfish: Don't run with scissors because you might accidentally trip, fall and cut the grand opening ribbon of a new museum 2 weeks ahead of schedule
@Dadpression: "This may be our 85th viewing of this movie, but we'll watch it as intently as if it was only our 23rd" -Toddlers