@TomSchally: The remote does not go next to the TV. That’s the opposite of why you have a remote.
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@daemonic3: WIFE: remember to pick him up at 5 ME: ok [later] ME: [dropping 3-year-old son off at daycare] see ya in 2 years, bud
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: There are so many songs that tell us how to breathe. It's like musicians and songwriters have never heard of the autonomic nervous system.
@DaddyGrownup: Hear me out. The first parent to school pick-up gets to pick the best kid. The well behaved one without the snotty nose. The last parent to pick-up gets the feral child. It's a system I think would work.
@UncleDuke1969: “I'd like to get a trim.” “There's a bit of a wait.” “No problem.” “Name, please?” “It's-“ “Just kidding. Have a seat, Tom.”